Why I expect to be called Dr.

Recently I posted on Facebook after a client called me "dear." This was the post:

"When talking to your psychologist, do not call them "dear". We have a doctorate degree. Unless they tell you otherwise, it's Dr."

This certainly wasn't the first time a client has called me something that felt disrespectful. The fact that I immediately responded by posted on FaceBook is primarily because of my immediate reaction in the moment, not specifically about this client. Since then I have thought a great deal about why I responded so quickly, and there are some significant reasons why I did. However, the post got a lot of comments, so I thought it makes sense to address it again here, where I can address it more generally and not be focused on the one interaction.

I have a doctorate degree, a Doctor of Philosophy in Psychology. After my four years of undergraduate school (in which I earned a bachelor's of science in biology) I was in graduate school for a full 11 years, first earning my master's in general psychology and my Ph.D. in counseling psychology. During those years I sat in classes countless hours, published five articles in peer-reviewed journals, wrote many papers, did hours and hours and hours of research, presented at many professional conventions, took many exams hours, completed hundreds of hours of clinical experiences, wrote a dissertation, passed comprehensive exams in the program and two licensure exams, and amassed a significant amount of student debt. I earned the title of Dr. If I am interacting with someone in a professional capacity, the only thing it is appropriate to call me is Dr.

Most often people call me by my first name, and less often they use terms of endearment like "dear." The fact that I am female probably explains some of this - in our country women are frequently referred to by familiar terms such as "honey", "dear", "sweetie", even "darling". When people use these terms, they will say that they use them out of love, showing Southern hospitality, making a connection with the individual. What they are really doing is erasing the time, effort, and money many of us spend in education and training to be able to help people in various capacities.

If I am working with you as a psychologist, then I am not your honey, dear, sweetie, or darling. Heck, unless I'm your kid or your spouse I'm really not those things to you either. I always introduce myself as Dr. Hiestand, and in doing so I am letting you know how I expect to be referred to. Therapy is an interesting relationship, because while I may end up knowing a great deal about you personally, you aren't going to know much about me in that way. Expecting to be referred to as Dr. is not an attempt to put myself above you, but the reality is that I have knowledge and skills that allow me to help people in a therapeutic setting. Knowledge and skills that I spent years and thousands of dollars acquiring. Calling me doctor acknowledges that I have earned a level of professional proficiency that few people do.

If you have not been told otherwise, always call your doctors by the appropriate titles. Some individuals prefer not to be referred to that way, but they will let you know. When someone introduces themselves as Dr. ---, that is their way of letting you know how they expect to be referred to. Doctors are no better than anyone else, but we've worked hard to earn the right to be called Dr. Doing otherwise is not loving, is not showing Southern hospitality; it's just disrespectful.

 not call them "dear".
 We have a doctorate degree. Unless they tell you otherwise, it's Dr.