A Valuable Lesson from my Dog

Every morning when we get up, my dog Gandalf acts like he couldn't be happier. He's bouncing around, greeting everyone (sometimes to the annoyance of the cats), wagging his tail like crazy, and I swear he's smiling.

I used to ask him every single morning what he was so happy about that he was practically dancing on the ceiling. Recently though, I'm trying to borrow a bit of his perspective. I think he can teach me, and us, a valuable lesson.

When I get up in the morning, I'm typically not in a bad mood. I'm sitting here trying to think of a word to describe my mood in the mornings, but all I can really come up with is preoccupied. That's not necessarily a mood, but I think it describes me perfectly. I am completely in my head, thinking about all of the different things I need to do that day, and not at all aware of what I might be feeling.

I imagine many of you share this experience. We're not focused on what is going on right that minute, we're thinking about things perhaps hours (or days) down the road, and not checking in with ourselves to see how we are doing in this moment. Gandalf, on the other hand (or paw), is completely oblivious to what he might be doing this afternoon, and is completely aware of his happiness at seeing the other members of his pack, and makes sure we are all aware of it.

Now, I realize that Gandalf and I do not have the same cognitive structures nor abilities, that he is unable to process things as I can. However, just because I can, doesn't mean I always need to. It is rare that I have anything coming up that I need to focus on right when I get up. I've got my morning routine, but it doesn't have to include deep thinking. It actually is the perfect time to check in with myself, my dog, my cats, and my family, and enjoy the moments before the workday begins. If I stop thinking and become aware of my feelings, I am happy to see each of the living creatures who live in my house. When I shift my focus from thinking to feeling, with the focus being on that very moment in time, the results are actually quite pleasant. I've got hours later in the day to think about my work, my chores, my bills, my obligations; I don't have to start churning out the thoughts as soon as I am upright.

For most of us, our lives do include a decent amount of stress and concern. However, we aren't directly dealing with those things every second, but if we're thinking about them even when we aren't actively working on them, then we are losing that moment in time. Being mindful of what is going on, and what is important, in this very minute, can provide some time to just be with ourselves and with those around us. While I have found that I don't get quite as excited as Gandalf (which is understandable, because he has the perfect life) I can enjoy some moments of companionship which gets the day started off on a much better foot (or paw) than launching into obligatory thoughts; being mindful of that moment only is a far better way to start my day than endless to-do lists.

I encourage each of you to think about your own days, and identify moments when you can try to be more intentional about the moment, and less cognitive and more self aware. I haven't been doing this for too long, but it does seem to get the day going a lot smoother, and is appreciated by the critters in my life. While I have taught Gandalf some important things in his first year, perhaps the most important lesson (hmmm, besides house-training) he taught to me. Could this lesson help you too?

Breaking up with Insomnia

Recently I have been aware that many of my clients complain of difficulties sleeping, regardless of their other concerns being addressed in therapy. I went over my client list, and a full 40% of the adults I am working with have issues with sleep. Of these, 30% report sleeping too much as one symptom of their depression. However, the other 70% of my folks with sleep issues reported insomnia - difficulty going to sleep or remaining asleep. According to the National Institute of Health, 30% of adults in the United States struggle with insomnia, either as a primary diagnosis or a symptom of another disorder.

We live in a country where we tend to look to pills to fix all of our pain and undesirable conditions; insomnia is no different. Melatonin is the hormone produced in our bodies to regulate sleep and wakefulness; some people take melatonin supplements to treat insomnia with good results. In my mind that is definitely appropriate because we are simply supplementing the hormone in our body that already regulates the sleep cycle. There are many other medications that are prescribed for sleep. While I support the use of medication to treat a lot of different disorders (depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc.) I am fairly reticent to turn to medication to treat sleep problems. None of the medications address the origin of the sleep problem; they treat it as a symptom but the underlying cause is left intact. I am far less supportive of medication for insomnia than for other medical and mental conditions.

There are a number of other ways to treat insomnia without turning to medication. Cognitive behavioral therapy can be used to address it without relying on medication. Often unwanted thoughts or worries are making it difficult to sleep - that's the cognitive part of the therapy. The behavioral part is based on developing good sleep habits and avoiding behaviors that make sleeping more difficult. Some of these are things you can actually do without the help of a therapist, and include:

• Maintaining a consistent bedtime
• Avoiding naps
• Don't stay in bed for longer than 20 minutes if you are having difficulty falling asleep
• Avoiding caffeine or alcohol too close to bedtime
• Give yourself time and opportunities to wind down before bedtime
• Do not use handheld electronics an hour before you want to fall asleep
• Make sure your bedroom is comfortable for sleep: the right temperature, not too loud, dark enough, no other distractions
• Relaxation training: progressive muscle relaxation, breathing exercises, mindfulness, meditation techniques, guided imagery, self-hypnosis
• Paradoxical intent: remaining passively awake (actively trying NOT to fall asleep)
• Biofeedback

Poor sleep can have significant effects on the quality of our lives, but there are things we can do to improve it. Medication certainly is an option, but there are many other techniques that are just as effective, and which may actually address the underlying cause of the sleep disturbance. If you or someone you love is struggling with insomnia, consider trying some of these techniques; you deserve a good night's sleep.

Mindfulness - It really is a thing

We live in a very complex, active society. So much so that we spend the vast majority of our time responding/reacting to our environment, which leaves us little time to pay any attention to ourselves. If we are lucky we do find time to relax, spend time with people we enjoy, or focus on hobbies that are meaningful for us. However, these activities are not the same as really focusing on ourselves.

Most of the time our focus is either on the future or the past. We plan for all of the things we need to take care of or get ready for, or we perseverate on things from the past that we wish we had differently but we can't change now. What we don't focus on is the here and now, the present moment as it is, the one thing we can actually experience. We have memories from the past and hopes (or worries) for the future, but this moment is our reality, if we can turn our attention to it. The only way to change the future is to be present in the moment, to cultivate intimacy with things as they actually are, and we aren't typically very good at this. We maintain high levels of stress as we react to the world around us, instead of taking charge and living fully in the present.

Mindfulness is awareness that arises in the present moment. It is not a state of the mind, but instead is a state of being. It is seeing yourself as you are, and accepting yourself as you are in this moment. Mindfulness is a dignified act of love that we can give to ourselves, but we can't give to anyone else, nor can anyone give to us. We must take the time to give ourselves this gift, so we can be fully present and fully ourselves. Mindfulness means we are fully awake. It is a shift from doing to being.

Over the next few posts I am going to explore various ways that we can be more mindful in our lives. I imagine when you think of mindfulness you think of meditation, which is a fair connection to make. You may envision someone sitting in the full lotus position, eyes closed, softly humming "ommm" to themselves.

This is meditation, absolutely, but it isn't the only way to accomplish it. It is true that some people meditate for long periods of time, but there doesn't have to be a huge commitment of time to be more mindful. In addition to classic meditation, a number of other practices include mindfulness: yoga, some martial arts (like Tai Chi), biofeedback, using mantras, and short mindfulness/meditation exercises (as short as a few minutes) to reconnect with ourselves in meaningful ways. There are also psychotherapies that utilize mindfulness: mindfulness cognitive therapy, mindfulness-based stress reduction, and hypnotherapy. I am learning about all of these practices myself (for both personal and professional reasons) and I will share what I learn with you all here. Mindfulness really is a thing, and it is a thing we could all use more of.