Thoughts on mental illness and mass shooters

I cringe a little bit each time I see something about how mental illness is the most important fact involved in mass shootings. I've never met the individuals who did it, so I certainly can't comment on their mental health. It is true that mental illness is not addressed in this country as it should be. Stigma makes it extremely hard for some folks to even consider services, and finances are a significant barrier to many. Insurance provides some coverage for some people, but reimbursement to providers (how much money they pay me) is dismal. I don't know what the solution is, but mental health services need to be severely revamped in this country. But back to what I was trying to say...

Some or most/all of the shooters might have had mental illness. It could be part of what led them to do the atrocious acts they did. However, mental illness IS NOT why they did it. Each and every one of them made a conscious decision to carry guns into a school or other locale and open fire, presumably killing as many as they could.  I don't know why they did it, but they each made the decision to do it. Blaming mental illness in effect takes the responsibility away from them and places it on something that millions of people have who don't shoot up schools. It sounds to me like an easy attempt at an excuse.

I don't know what the solution is to reduce/eliminate mass shootings in this country. I also don't know how to create the mental health reform we need. I do know that the blame for their actions rests solidly on them (maybe shared by their parents, I don't know). I want to mention that I am purposefully avoiding to go into gun reform; I don't think this in the place for it. Mental illness does create significant struggles for millions of people. It does not shoot up schools.

Am I my mental illness?

Most of the folks I work with meet the criteria for one or more mental illnesses; I meet the criteria of one (Major Depressive Disorder). For some folks it's a temporary thing - you are feeling sad/depressed, but it is linked to something that you will deal with, and then you will no longer meet the criteria. This is especially common for things such as depression and anxiety. For others, your mental illness is something you are going to live with for much of your life. You will learn ways to cope with it, you will be able to effectively manage it, but it is going to be something you will have to address on and off, possibly for the rest of your life.

For those of us who do live with mental illness long term, it can become very easy to identify with our mental illness. I could think about myself as a depressed person, but that isn't accurate most of the time. Yes, there are times when I have to actively manage depression, times when I experience depression, times when I suppose I am a depressed person. But it would be unhealthy for me to incorporate depression into my sense of self. I live WITH depression, but I AM NOT depression. While it may be a part of my life, it does not define me.

If I identify with depression, I am giving depression power and control in my life that it doesn't deserve. By making depression part of my sense of self, I am guaranteeing that it will play a prominent role in my life. I don't want depression to play a prominent role in my life. I accept it is a part, but I do not accept that it is who I am.

For a long time now, I have used a visualization for my depression. This is what my depression looks like:

except the creature is all green, not purple. It is a ghastly obnoxious dancing green dinosaur. It is not of me. It is a separate entity that at times I have to attend to. Sometimes it is much harder to do this, to maintain the distance needed to control the beast. I have lived with it for over 30 years now, but it will never be me. Barney the Depression Dinosaur, you will never get to be me.