Am I my mental illness?

Most of the folks I work with meet the criteria for one or more mental illnesses; I meet the criteria of one (Major Depressive Disorder). For some folks it's a temporary thing - you are feeling sad/depressed, but it is linked to something that you will deal with, and then you will no longer meet the criteria. This is especially common for things such as depression and anxiety. For others, your mental illness is something you are going to live with for much of your life. You will learn ways to cope with it, you will be able to effectively manage it, but it is going to be something you will have to address on and off, possibly for the rest of your life.

For those of us who do live with mental illness long term, it can become very easy to identify with our mental illness. I could think about myself as a depressed person, but that isn't accurate most of the time. Yes, there are times when I have to actively manage depression, times when I experience depression, times when I suppose I am a depressed person. But it would be unhealthy for me to incorporate depression into my sense of self. I live WITH depression, but I AM NOT depression. While it may be a part of my life, it does not define me.

If I identify with depression, I am giving depression power and control in my life that it doesn't deserve. By making depression part of my sense of self, I am guaranteeing that it will play a prominent role in my life. I don't want depression to play a prominent role in my life. I accept it is a part, but I do not accept that it is who I am.

For a long time now, I have used a visualization for my depression. This is what my depression looks like:

except the creature is all green, not purple. It is a ghastly obnoxious dancing green dinosaur. It is not of me. It is a separate entity that at times I have to attend to. Sometimes it is much harder to do this, to maintain the distance needed to control the beast. I have lived with it for over 30 years now, but it will never be me. Barney the Depression Dinosaur, you will never get to be me.

Couples Counseling

Couples counseling. Couples start counseling for different reasons and at different times in their relationships. Often, they wait until things get really bad before they start counseling, and that reduces the chances that counseling will be effective. It is far better to start therapy before things get too bad for the best chance of working things through.

Sometimes couples start therapy as more of a preventative measure. They start therapy when there aren't any significant concerns, and so use it to deal with things as soon as they come up. That way issues don't usually get too serious before they are working through them. This is a really nice way to stay on track with your partner.

A third option is pre-marital therapy. This is counseling done prior to getting married during which potential issues can be identified and discussed. The state of Tennessee offers a significant discount on the fee for the marriage license to couples who have done acceptable pre-marital counseling, and I am able to do this work. It requires at least four hours of therapy, so isn't a huge commitment, and can be a really nice way to be prepared for some of the challenges that often arise in marriages. Good relationships do take work, but doing that work can help us maintain healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Never give up on someone with a mental illness...

Never give up on someone with a mental illness. When "i" is replaced by "we", illness becomes wellness.
-Shannon L. Alder

My ad on Psych Today

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https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=311392&sid=1485113618.6495_10129&name=Hiestand&search=Hiestand&ref=1&tr=ResultsName