It's been a while since I've posted. Short answer, I'm busy. We just passed National Coming Out Day again, so I wanted to touch base about that. I've been out for about 25 years. I also "look" suitably gay, so I never really come out anymore. While it has gotten easier to come out since I first took the plunge, there are still folks who, for various reasons, continue to hide their sexuality or gender identity. This is perfectly understandable. It is still scary. There is still hatred. People still get fired, kicked out of housing, or disowned by their families. But please also know that there is also a great deal of support out there. If you are struggling with sexuality or gender identity, therapy can be really helpful to work towards coming out. Being authentic to yourself is a beautiful thing. If you need some therapeutic support around coming out, or any other issues around gender or sexuality (or most anything really) please feel free to contact me to set up an appointment.
901-486-5745
kthiestand@yahoo.com
Showing posts with label cross-dressing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cross-dressing. Show all posts
Saturday, October 13, 2018
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Why losing my job was, ultimately, totally awesome
I graduated with my Ph.D. in psychology in 2010. When people would ask what I wanted to do, I had always said I wanted to work with LGBT folks. However, I was able to get a job with an agency working with adults with intellectual/developmental disabilities, so of course I took the job. I needed a year of supervision and a paycheck and the job provided both, so I went with it.
I stayed at that agency for about a year and a half, then went to a different, but similar, agency when I was opposed to some things I was expected to do (share session notes, when by my ethical mandate they must be confidential). So I started at the second agency in March 2011, and thought everything was good. I liked the clients, and my supervisor was awesome (a psychologist who had become my mentor) so that's what I did. I didn't love the job, but I didn't hate it, and it did meet my/our basic needs, so all was good, right?
In 2015 I had a conversation with folks at the Memphis Gay & Lesbian Community Center (now OutMemphis) and learned that they got calls on a daily basis from LGBT folks struggling to find a therapist. It was at that point that Hiestand Psychological Services was born, and I started seeing clients there on Sundays. I was now working six full days a week, but my work there was so fulfilling that I was good with it.
If I had been honest with myself at that time, I would have recognized that I was not being fulfilled by my regular job. While I did like my clients, many didn't really want to be in therapy so most sessions were a struggle just to get the client involved. There weren't any huge ethical issues like I had faced at the previous agency, but I was aware of some things that I wasn't terribly happy with. Still, it was a paycheck, and I needed a paycheck, so I just ignored the bigger picture.
Towards the end of 2015 my supervisor/mentor left the agency (and the state). At that time things started to unravel. At first I still tried to ignore it, because I needed that paycheck (right?!) and didn't think my private practice would support my family. It was immensely more fulfilling, and certainly supported me emotionally in a way that my regular job didn't, but dang it I needed that paycheck. However, in late August 2016 I lost that job and suddenly had to find another paycheck.
At first I assumed that I needed another job to be financially stable. I started sending in applications to any job openings I could find for psychologists in the area, but I also started growing my private practice to bring in some money while I found another job. I won't go into that whole experience; suffice it to say I didn't find another job. What I did find was that my private practice could support my family, and it was infinitely more satisfying than any of my previous "real jobs."
Fast forward to today. As my wife says, I have a thriving practice. I currently work six and a half days a week, harder than I've ever worked in a job before, but I love it. I do need to carve out a little less time working, but what I do is so fulfilling (most of it anyway, dealing with insurance is still a headache). I'm now doing what I always wanted to do , and more. Many of my clients full under the LGBT rainbow. I work with individuals, couples, and families who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, gender non-conforming (non-binary, agender, bigender). I work with people who are confident in their identities, and I work with folks who are questioning their sexuality or gender identity. I work with monogamous folks and polyamorous folks. I work with asexuals, folks in the kink community (BDSM, Furries, Bronies). I work with cross-dressers. I work with all of the people who have struggled to find an open-minded therapist. I still address all of the typical mental health diagnoses (depression, anxiety, bipolar, PTSD, OCD, schizophrenia). I work in my home with therapy animals. While I am often tired in the evenings when I finally decide I've worked enough for the day, I go to bed every night satisfied with the work I do.
Losing my job was a really stressful thing for me. However, I never would have gone out on my own, so it pushed me to do just that. So many of the folks I work with aren't happy in their work life (and we definitely address this) but I am so thankful that I am doing what I always wanted to do. My wife is so supportive of me and my work. My parents have supported me (even when I wasn't confident that I could do this). My in-laws have been behind me, and friends and colleagues have always been willing to give advice and told me "you got this." And you know what, I do got this. Hiestand Psychological Services has gone from a dream to a reality, and I could not be happier with how it transformed to be not only my paycheck, but my career. I know over time it will evolve (eventually I want to have a few more therapists, as well as folks who offer other services). Today it is exactly what I need it to be, and I'm pretty my clients would agree.
I stayed at that agency for about a year and a half, then went to a different, but similar, agency when I was opposed to some things I was expected to do (share session notes, when by my ethical mandate they must be confidential). So I started at the second agency in March 2011, and thought everything was good. I liked the clients, and my supervisor was awesome (a psychologist who had become my mentor) so that's what I did. I didn't love the job, but I didn't hate it, and it did meet my/our basic needs, so all was good, right?
In 2015 I had a conversation with folks at the Memphis Gay & Lesbian Community Center (now OutMemphis) and learned that they got calls on a daily basis from LGBT folks struggling to find a therapist. It was at that point that Hiestand Psychological Services was born, and I started seeing clients there on Sundays. I was now working six full days a week, but my work there was so fulfilling that I was good with it.
If I had been honest with myself at that time, I would have recognized that I was not being fulfilled by my regular job. While I did like my clients, many didn't really want to be in therapy so most sessions were a struggle just to get the client involved. There weren't any huge ethical issues like I had faced at the previous agency, but I was aware of some things that I wasn't terribly happy with. Still, it was a paycheck, and I needed a paycheck, so I just ignored the bigger picture.
Towards the end of 2015 my supervisor/mentor left the agency (and the state). At that time things started to unravel. At first I still tried to ignore it, because I needed that paycheck (right?!) and didn't think my private practice would support my family. It was immensely more fulfilling, and certainly supported me emotionally in a way that my regular job didn't, but dang it I needed that paycheck. However, in late August 2016 I lost that job and suddenly had to find another paycheck.
At first I assumed that I needed another job to be financially stable. I started sending in applications to any job openings I could find for psychologists in the area, but I also started growing my private practice to bring in some money while I found another job. I won't go into that whole experience; suffice it to say I didn't find another job. What I did find was that my private practice could support my family, and it was infinitely more satisfying than any of my previous "real jobs."
Fast forward to today. As my wife says, I have a thriving practice. I currently work six and a half days a week, harder than I've ever worked in a job before, but I love it. I do need to carve out a little less time working, but what I do is so fulfilling (most of it anyway, dealing with insurance is still a headache). I'm now doing what I always wanted to do , and more. Many of my clients full under the LGBT rainbow. I work with individuals, couples, and families who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, gender non-conforming (non-binary, agender, bigender). I work with people who are confident in their identities, and I work with folks who are questioning their sexuality or gender identity. I work with monogamous folks and polyamorous folks. I work with asexuals, folks in the kink community (BDSM, Furries, Bronies). I work with cross-dressers. I work with all of the people who have struggled to find an open-minded therapist. I still address all of the typical mental health diagnoses (depression, anxiety, bipolar, PTSD, OCD, schizophrenia). I work in my home with therapy animals. While I am often tired in the evenings when I finally decide I've worked enough for the day, I go to bed every night satisfied with the work I do.
Losing my job was a really stressful thing for me. However, I never would have gone out on my own, so it pushed me to do just that. So many of the folks I work with aren't happy in their work life (and we definitely address this) but I am so thankful that I am doing what I always wanted to do. My wife is so supportive of me and my work. My parents have supported me (even when I wasn't confident that I could do this). My in-laws have been behind me, and friends and colleagues have always been willing to give advice and told me "you got this." And you know what, I do got this. Hiestand Psychological Services has gone from a dream to a reality, and I could not be happier with how it transformed to be not only my paycheck, but my career. I know over time it will evolve (eventually I want to have a few more therapists, as well as folks who offer other services). Today it is exactly what I need it to be, and I'm pretty my clients would agree.
Friday, August 11, 2017
Why can't boys wear dresses?????
I haven't posted in a while. I suppose my excuse is I have been really busy, and that is true. For a while I also struggled with coming up with something to write about that people might actually be interested in. If there is anything you are interested in that you would like me to address, please let me know. I'm happy to answer questions or write about subjects folks want to know more about, so just let me know.
Recently I read a couple articles about boys (children or adolescents) who wear dresses. The articles didn't identify the kids as necessarily transgender; they seemed to just be boys who like to wear dresses sometimes, and had parents who would let them do that. I imagine some of the kids may be transgender, but not all of them. Boys (or men) who want to wear dresses (or make-up, or skirts, or blouses, or panties) may not feel like or identify as women. Plenty of women wear pants (or ties, or loafers, or no make-up) but don't feel like men. It is now basically accepted for women to wear "men's" clothing; why is it still such a big deal if a boy or man wants to wear "women's" clothing?
I think one of the big issues is that it is seen as stepping up for a woman to present as more male, while it is seen as a step down for a man to present in a way expected only for women. To my mind there is absolutely no difference between me wearing the clothes I do (men's) and cisgender men wearing dresses. Absolutely - No - Difference. Why do people get so angry about it when parents let their kids dress the way they want? Boys used to wear dresses as an accepted part of culture. Blue used to be the "girl" color and pink was the "boy" color. These have changed, but why the rigid rules around color and clothes?
I find myself really losing patience with the anger that often is expressed if a parent allows their son to wear a dress because the kid wants to. Are we seriously so uptight about our boys not being the epitome of masculinity that is typically forced on anyone born with a penis? Seriously? If a boy wants to wear a dress, let him wear a dress. Maybe he is transgender and this is the first step she is taking towards being herself. Maybe he is just a boy who wants to wear a dress.
Recently I read a couple articles about boys (children or adolescents) who wear dresses. The articles didn't identify the kids as necessarily transgender; they seemed to just be boys who like to wear dresses sometimes, and had parents who would let them do that. I imagine some of the kids may be transgender, but not all of them. Boys (or men) who want to wear dresses (or make-up, or skirts, or blouses, or panties) may not feel like or identify as women. Plenty of women wear pants (or ties, or loafers, or no make-up) but don't feel like men. It is now basically accepted for women to wear "men's" clothing; why is it still such a big deal if a boy or man wants to wear "women's" clothing?
I think one of the big issues is that it is seen as stepping up for a woman to present as more male, while it is seen as a step down for a man to present in a way expected only for women. To my mind there is absolutely no difference between me wearing the clothes I do (men's) and cisgender men wearing dresses. Absolutely - No - Difference. Why do people get so angry about it when parents let their kids dress the way they want? Boys used to wear dresses as an accepted part of culture. Blue used to be the "girl" color and pink was the "boy" color. These have changed, but why the rigid rules around color and clothes?
I find myself really losing patience with the anger that often is expressed if a parent allows their son to wear a dress because the kid wants to. Are we seriously so uptight about our boys not being the epitome of masculinity that is typically forced on anyone born with a penis? Seriously? If a boy wants to wear a dress, let him wear a dress. Maybe he is transgender and this is the first step she is taking towards being herself. Maybe he is just a boy who wants to wear a dress.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)