Surviving the viral invasion, or why my cats suddenly hate me

Every morning when I wake up, I make a plan of action for the day. Until recently that plan might include the errands I need to run, where I want to eat dinner, are there any good movies out I want to see. These days, except for the rare essential exception, my plan includes chores I need to do around the house, what we might prepare for dinner, and is there anything interesting on Netflix. This change in planning happened quite suddenly a couple weeks ago, when I accepted, begrudgingly, that a little one-celled organism that doesn't even have a brain now dictates, to a very large degree, where I go if it's off my property. The introvert in me doesn't so much mind staying home. The human in me is pissed that I'm now answering to a virus named after a crown or a beer, depending on your perspective.

Like so many others, this sense of loss of control is both infuriating and frightening. This is a scenario that never goes well for humans in the movies, and for which we're not getting a great deal of solid guidance. The powers that be can't seem to agree on exactly how to approach this. The scientific community is working tirelessly to gain an understanding of the specific characteristics of this entity. The entity itself is mindlessly trying to find hosts, in this case humans, so it can replicate its DNA or RNA and thus stick around. After all, a virus is nothing more than a bit of genetic material (DNA or RNA) enclosed in a protein shell called the capsid. Some viruses also have an outer membrane called the envelope. Our little COVID-19 happens to contain RNA, and it does have an envelope with lots of teeny tiny spikes that resemble a crown, hence the name corona (Latin).

Regardless of your understanding of it, we are all pretty much at the mercy of this little replicating machine, and it has turned the world as we know it upside down. How do we cope with all of the recent changes, including the very real fear of death that it brings. I've got a few thoughts that I'd like to share with you to help bring a little hope back into the picture.

For now get your information from knowledgeable scientific sources. There is so much misinformation swirling around that's it's easy to get confused. The CDC is a good source, as well as other scientific organizations that specialize in critters of this nature. For now the government isn't a good source of information so much. The government is mostly politicians, and thus far we haven't gotten much good information from them. This isn't exactly a criticism, after all they're politicians and not biologists.

For now stay home except for absolutely essential trips. This is where the loss of control feels really bad. We don't yet know how long this will last. One thing we do know is if everyone actually does this, it won't last as long as if we don't. The virus wants us (as much as a virus can actually want) to be around each other so it can be passed among all of us and make tons of copies of its little RNA sequence. If we isolate, we deny it the one thing it needs to survive. I don't care to let the virus use my cells to reproduce, and in that way I am taking back some control over my own cells. Staying home stretched out on the couch watching Netflix will literally save lives. Just do it please.

Reach out to family, friends, loved ones frequently and safely. We may not be able to reach out and touch one another (bonus points if you can name the reference) but we can still check in with each other. Use a video service so your friends can see how long your hair (and roots) are getting. Laugh about it, it's happening to all of us. Our hairdressers tell us not to cut our bangs!!!. I say cut your bangs, shave it all off, do whatever you want because you can! Take control over the hairs on your head!!! Our hairdressers can fix it later.

Find things to keep yourself occupied. You do want to do everything you can to avoid boredom, which is more than happy to escort in depression. Typically we encourage folks to not be online all the time, but at the moment you have much more permission to do it for connection and entertainment. Do puzzles. Finish all the home projects you started over the last years but never finished. Start projects with the intention of actually finishing them (even if you don't!). Read. Learn to crochet, then make little cardigans for all of your cats. They will love them, I promise you!!!

Don't spend too much time looking at the news. The news these days is pretty bleak, but it isn't changing multiple times throughout the day. Intentionally get news updates a couple times a day, but other than that, focus on your projects, or what's for dinner, or braiding your armpit hair. And don't forget the kitty cardigans! But seriously, limit news consumption. A lot.

Realize that right now anxiety is a really super normal reaction to what it going. Realize also that anxiety doesn't have to be the focus of your day. Identify, as much as you can, specifically what you are anxious about. Determine whether or not it is something that you have any control over at the moment. If it is, address it. If it isn't, tell your brain over and over that right now that's not a thing that you can address and that your focus needs to be on what you can. If you have pets, spend time with them (that reduces anxiety). Meditate. Do yoga. Watch Yoda. Do what you need to do to distract yourself.

Currently therapists are generally still working as we have the option to do it safely online. If you feel as though you are really struggling and stuff is getting out of hand, reach out to start some therapy. Depression and anxiety are going to pop up; if it seems as though they are in control, talk to us. It's what we're trained to help with.

We're all in this together, even though we're going through it in isolation. It's unclear now when we will be able to stop quarantines, but we will. Find hope in the fact that COVID-19 is not the first virus on the planet, and we will gain back control as we learn more and as we deny it the chance to spread. Lean on each other. Make sure the people in your little corner of the world are doing okay. If everyone did this then we would all still be connected, even if only virtually. Finally, tell yourself every day that we will all once again get a good haircut. Until then, cut your bangs or shave your head. And don't forget the feline cardigans - your cats are depending on you!!!!!

A Valuable Lesson from my Dog

Every morning when we get up, my dog Gandalf acts like he couldn't be happier. He's bouncing around, greeting everyone (sometimes to the annoyance of the cats), wagging his tail like crazy, and I swear he's smiling.

I used to ask him every single morning what he was so happy about that he was practically dancing on the ceiling. Recently though, I'm trying to borrow a bit of his perspective. I think he can teach me, and us, a valuable lesson.

When I get up in the morning, I'm typically not in a bad mood. I'm sitting here trying to think of a word to describe my mood in the mornings, but all I can really come up with is preoccupied. That's not necessarily a mood, but I think it describes me perfectly. I am completely in my head, thinking about all of the different things I need to do that day, and not at all aware of what I might be feeling.

I imagine many of you share this experience. We're not focused on what is going on right that minute, we're thinking about things perhaps hours (or days) down the road, and not checking in with ourselves to see how we are doing in this moment. Gandalf, on the other hand (or paw), is completely oblivious to what he might be doing this afternoon, and is completely aware of his happiness at seeing the other members of his pack, and makes sure we are all aware of it.

Now, I realize that Gandalf and I do not have the same cognitive structures nor abilities, that he is unable to process things as I can. However, just because I can, doesn't mean I always need to. It is rare that I have anything coming up that I need to focus on right when I get up. I've got my morning routine, but it doesn't have to include deep thinking. It actually is the perfect time to check in with myself, my dog, my cats, and my family, and enjoy the moments before the workday begins. If I stop thinking and become aware of my feelings, I am happy to see each of the living creatures who live in my house. When I shift my focus from thinking to feeling, with the focus being on that very moment in time, the results are actually quite pleasant. I've got hours later in the day to think about my work, my chores, my bills, my obligations; I don't have to start churning out the thoughts as soon as I am upright.

For most of us, our lives do include a decent amount of stress and concern. However, we aren't directly dealing with those things every second, but if we're thinking about them even when we aren't actively working on them, then we are losing that moment in time. Being mindful of what is going on, and what is important, in this very minute, can provide some time to just be with ourselves and with those around us. While I have found that I don't get quite as excited as Gandalf (which is understandable, because he has the perfect life) I can enjoy some moments of companionship which gets the day started off on a much better foot (or paw) than launching into obligatory thoughts; being mindful of that moment only is a far better way to start my day than endless to-do lists.

I encourage each of you to think about your own days, and identify moments when you can try to be more intentional about the moment, and less cognitive and more self aware. I haven't been doing this for too long, but it does seem to get the day going a lot smoother, and is appreciated by the critters in my life. While I have taught Gandalf some important things in his first year, perhaps the most important lesson (hmmm, besides house-training) he taught to me. Could this lesson help you too?

Hypnotherapy is Here!

HYPNOTHERAPY

I am happy to announce that I am now offering hypnotherapy as one of my treatment modalities. At this time I will be using it to address a number of concerns including depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and trauma.

Hypnotherapy is a very safe and effective treatment modality. At no time during the process will the client be told anything that we haven't previously discussed; I do understand that it is a concept that some people may be somewhat uncomfortable with. Many people never lose complete awareness while they are in trance, while some do. Speaking of trance, we all go into trance on our own on a likely frequent basis. When we are day-dreaming we are in a trance. If we're really focused on a book we're in a trance. Trance is really nothing more than extremely focused attention. Often in entertainment it was demonstrated by having the individual watch a clock swinging back and forth. While most folks don't do it that way anymore, it certainly is one way to get there. It works by having the person focus so intently on the swinging clock that they go into a trance. I don't do it this way, but it is real.

When we are in a trance we can access our subconscious, which is the point of hypnotherapy. We can get to the parts of our minds that control us without us even realizing it, and make changes in beliefs that have been keeping us stuck. As I mentioned previously, it is very safe, and I believe it will greatly enhance my work. I am a member of the American Society of Clinical Hypnotherapy, which is where I've gotten my training. If you have questions about this opportunity feel free to reach out. Perhaps it could be helpful to you in some way.

Concerns around social media

It is a fairly safe bet that most folks nowadays use social media. I have a Facebook account (clearly, since many of you are probably reading this on it). There are a number of others; Facebook is the one I am most familiar with. Social media comes up frequently enough in sessions that I have seen, over and over again, some of the negative impacts it can have on our lives. Here are a few of the most common.

It perpetuates drama.

I doubt anyone is shocked by this one. Drama in all its glory can and does happen there, and in some ways, it is worse than things that happen in person. Because we feel protected by our computer screen, we may type things online that we wouldn’t actually say to a person. We may see things that wasn’t intended for us. Actual dialogue rarely happens, and it isn’t difficult to find ourselves the bottom of a dog-pile if we share an opinion that on this particular post is in the minority.

Quick, easy access to news that isn’t always accurate or current

I try really hard not to ever post or share news without double or triple-checking to make sure it is accurate and current. I know I’ve slipped up, and it can be really easy to click share before confirming something. At the very least, even if the news we see is accurate, it probably reflects the beliefs of its source; at the worst, it can be absolutely false. For a while I used Facebook as a news source, but I’ve given that up. I’m going to have to go elsewhere to check it anyway, so might as well start with a more trust-worthy source.

It creates and exacerbates depression and anxiety

Depending on the day and time, we may be flooded with negative images, bad news, and scary prospects. The folks I work with say on a regular basis that they feel worse after looking social media. It doesn’t take a Ph.D. in psychology to realize social media may be significantly impacting us in some pretty negative ways.

These days I don’t pay much attention to the news on Facebook, at least that of the political variety. If you post pictures of your furry critters, I guarantee at least a like. I post plenty of my own. I pay much more attention to the “lighter” posts, or the posts made by individuals I actually know that has actual content in it. I also limit myself to how much time I spend on it. I urge you to consider how and how much you use social media, and the potential negative effects it may be having on you. Connection with others online is fine, but connection with another individual (or furry critter!!!) in the same space in time with you is better. Way better. So quit chatting (or arguing) on social media and talk to the real person who is sitting across the table from you. Seriously, if you are in a restaurant with someone stay off your phone. Close up the cyberworld and live in the real world. It matters.

Meet my Therapy Animals

I work from home, and I have four cats and a dog. This means that various animals are typically present during sessions. Before the introductions, let me clarify one thing. Recently we have been hearing about service animals, therapy animals, and emotional support pets. I use the term "therapy animal" to describe my critters, because they do participate in therapy sessions. It is also true that they are providing emotional support, but none have been trained or specially designated as emotional support pets or service pets. They simply hang out during sessions and often interact with the clients. Because I am doing this in my home, there isn't any specific training or certification required. That having been said, let's meet the critters!

Nimbus was the original therapy cat. Starting the very first session I did at the house, he was there and providing support. He seems to have instincts around it that make him the perfect therapy cat. He generally positions himself close to the client so they can interact with him if they want, but if they don't he just naps. Often if a client becomes emotional he will move closer to them and reach out his paw to touch them, letting them know he is there if they want him. He is 10 years old now, and has been doing this work for the last three years.

Dobby was the second therapy cat. We got him as a kitten in April 2017, and he took to it immediately. He doesn't seem to have quite the instinct that Nimbus has, but is still quite good at interacting with clients in positive ways. He is now two years old and has been a therapy cat his whole life.

Darth Cola was the third therapy cat to join the group, but he didn't do so immediately. I worked from home for at least a year before he started hanging out in sessions and interacting with clients. Even now he often sits on his chair a little separate from the client, but he sometimes will move so he can give a little love. Cola is six years old now and has been working about a year and a half.

StormTrooper is the surprise addition to the therapy cat group. He has always been a pretty skittish guy, and up until this past April wouldn't spend any time in the room if a session was in progress. Then quite suddenly and without any explanation he started spending time in the therapy room, and will sometimes interact with clients (more often with me I guess). I don't know what happened that he suddenly decided to be a part of it, but I am glad that he did. He is currently eight years old.

Hiestand's Sir Gandalf the Wise and Fluffy is the newest member of the therapy animal corp. He got him this past April and he has been in every single session since. His goal in life is to be a companion animal so he is perfect for the part. Currently he still does spend more time with me than with the clients (maybe I need some therapy pet love too), but he seems to be spending more and more life with the clients as he becomes more adjusted to the whole process. He is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and is seven months old.

In Memoriam: Norah was the original therapy dog, and worked hard from summer 2016 to August 2018. She was a wonderfully friendly companion and very good therapy dog, and will forever be missed.

The Super Bowl of Mental Health

So I'm sitting here on the couch watching a sporting event. I think it's an important one. Two football teams competing to see who is the best in the world (although isn't professional football only in the United States???). As a psychologist who couldn't care less about sports, I find myself thinking about an interesting "competition" of sorts that I sometimes see in sessions, but it may not be exactgly what you might think.

On a pretty regular basis clients will be hesitant to share things that are bothering them because "it's really no big deal" or "other people have it so much worse." I don't say this too often, but just stop it. Mental health isn't a competition where only those with the worst issues get to participate. If you are struggling with something, don't dilute your problems because someone else has it worse. You know what? Someone always has it worse. Your struggles are real, and you owe it to yourself to address them.

There is no Super Bowl in therapy. In the course of a day I see folks struggling with really severe stuff, as well as folks whose stuff isn't quite as severe. You know what? Everyone gets the same attention from me, regardless of the severity of your stuff. If you feel like your stuff isn't as bad as some other folks, be thankful, and then do what you need to do to get a handle on it. We can all win when it comes to mental health.

Be kind to yourself and others this holiday season

The holidays are upon us again, bringing fun, family, stress, and sometimes the desire to crawl into bed until it is all over. Holidays can feel heavy with expectations: expectations to participate, to spend gobs of money, and to smile all the while. Unfortunately, sometimes this is just too much to ask.

This holiday season be mindful to only do what you can and what feels right. If family time feels negative, it's okay not to go. I would have thought we would have arrived at a time when families would no longer reject their LGBTQ+ members, but I would be wrong. If your family doesn't accept you or your partners(s), then they don't get the pleasure of your company. Please hold no guilt for this. Spend time with folks who make you feel good, and maintain boundaries with those who do not.

Spend what you can afford, and don't feel guilty if you think you should spend more. You shouldn't. For many people debt is already a concern; don't make it worse this holiday. Give what you can, and what you can't do with money do with love and time spent. Those are far more valuable than cash, and will last so much longer.

Do allow yourself to enjoy the things that come with the holidays. Over Thanksgiving I ate way more than I should have, but you know what? It didn't matter. Yeah, if I ate that way on a regular basis it wouldn't be good, but I adore holiday cooking and it only happens a couple times a year so I am going to take advantage of it. You do the same.

Be mindful of friends who may be going through extra hardships during this time. Death, job loss, sickness, all seem so much worse during the holidays. If those you know are struggling with these things, give them some extra love.

Do surround yourself with those you love. Family (blood or chosen), friends, and of course all of the critters who make our lives more wonderful. I think Christmas is about love more than anything (not food, not presents, not money). Love fully this holiday season, and please, include yourself in that love.

If you are struggling with hardships, please reach out to family, friends, or even a therapist. Please don't try to go it alone.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU